??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
