Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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