I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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