She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
