I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
