Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
