apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
