ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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