I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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