Im at strip club and am horny
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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