Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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