just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
