we have officially lost it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
