This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
