If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
