this just has baby written all over it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
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