I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
