Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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