i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
