Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
