Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
