Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize