Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
