She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
