i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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