So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
