I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
where are my pants?
in the oven.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize