Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
