Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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