Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I want a musical about memes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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