I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize