All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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