Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
