I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
