Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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