I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm passing your future prison.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I will pee on everything he values.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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