Dignity is for republicans.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
