Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
