i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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