So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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