D3 body, D1 cock
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
