Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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