i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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