But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
