Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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