Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
