So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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