I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
