I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
