dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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