But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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