i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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