i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
