"it" just moved
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
