I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
