it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
