Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize