Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
