You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
